Match Reports

Holliston 7 - 1 Kendall Wanderers C

Match Statistics

Competition:
BSSL Division Three
Venue:
Framingham State
Date:
04/14/2012
Kickoff Time:
4pm
Weather:
Sweet
Pitch Conditions:
Team Lineup:
Wallace, Carolan, Diiorio, Curley,Fitzgerald, Regrut, Kennedy, Jimenez, Dromey, Burton, Abendroth
Subs:
Bourke, Burke, Ahmad, Smith, Flaherty, Queeno, Bartley, Devey, Chamas, Radford
Team Formation:
4-4-2
Goal Scorers:
Abendroth
Assists:
Man of the Match:
Bookings:
None
None

With a veritable battalion of a squad the C team headed west to brave the horrors of the ‘Ham and face newcomers Holliston. Confidence was high as the convoy of cars passed a myriad of Wal-Mart’s and soulless shopping malls where happiness can be yours by purchasing a nice pair of white cotton slacks from JCrew. “Holliston”, someone mused, “sure they are from the suburbs, what would they know about Association Football, what with their WASPy tendencies, their picket fences and their Dairy Queens”. Sagely, everyone else in the car nodded.

Spirits were high as the team went through their warm up routines. Spotting two soaring eagles high in the pollution ridden Framingham air, a C team soothsayer cried “Hark, tis surely an omen” and pointed excitedly to the penguins on the famous old Kendall crest. Nodding sagely , everyone agreed.

New faces abounded, Brendan “Just call me Cezar” Bartley, “Stormin? “ Norman Jimenez and Jay “Yep, two i’s in a row “Diiorio eagerly checked in, anxious to make an impression on their club debuts. Familiar faces were present too and old friends like the Burke twins from just down the road in Providence. Still enthusiastic even after their 4 hour trip north from the bowels of Rhode Island, they mingled and stretched, excitedly extolling the virtues of their new home town.” You have to come visit” they pleaded desperately, “it’s a great place”. With sage nods of the head, everyone agreed, although they were all lying.

With confidence high the C team lined out and the game kicked off. Immediately

(Editor’s note : The following three paragraphs have been removed due to violence, obscene language and graphic portrayals of torture and abuse of C teamers )

With the score at four nil the referee blew the whistle for halftime. Much of the ensuing two minute rant and rave by rookie coach Eamonn “More Hodgson than Shankley” Fitz and Seamus “Indecipherable” Dromey can be distilled into four words – “Pretend its nil all”. In an attempt to apply a tourniquet to the gushing femoral artery that was the Kendall defence the coaches changed things up a little bit, with Andy “Made of Biscuits” Bourke shifting to centre half and the back line reverting to a flat-ish shape. Brendan “I love me some new registration systems “Bartley made an appearance at right back.

Then Bobby scored, putting gloss on the lipstick on the pig that was the score line (if I may mangle a metaphor). Many other important game altering events happened, but these are now lost to the annals of history. In the dying seconds of the game 4’6 target man Jarrod Burton missed an open header at the back post. “I am just like Andy Carroll “he whooped with perverse delight referencing the big lovable lug of a Liverpool striker. Agreeing with him everyone nodded sagely, and sadly.

The referee blew for time mercifully ending what had been a one sided battle. The chastised and chastened C team trooped off as a cock a hoop Holliston cracked open bottles of Blue Moon and started knacker drinking in the car park. This correspondent took a quick trip to the Portaloo before the drive back. Gazing into the contents of the most disgusting thing man has ever created with an almost mesmerized stare; he decided it was a symbol of the previous ninety minutes and indeed the whole town of Framingham. Spirits remained low as the convoy returned east but upon hitting Route 2 and leaving the dying, decaying suburban sprawl in the rearview mirror, demeanors changed and moods brightened, as the team thought of the penguins on their chest and resolved that they would fight on...

By: Eamonn Fitz

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